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Page 1 of 2 ’This year we can go forward and help other families’ the New Year message from Brent Cockbain and his wife Kate...
South Wales Echo: LAST New Year’s Eve, Welsh rugby star Brent Cockbain and his wife Kate were trying to deal with the death of their baby Toby from a rare brain tumour, just three months earlier. With their grief still raw, they never imagined that as well as new baby Pippa, 2005 would see their charity, the Toby Lloyd Cockbain Foundation (TLC), set up in their son’s name, raise a massive £200,000 for children with cancer. And as 2006 dawns, the couple are looking forward to a brighter future, hoping to raise another £200,000 for a psychotherapist to help youngsters and parents at the new Children’s Hospital For Wales cope with the disease. “Toby was such a happy boy,” says Brent, 31, as he picks up smiling baby Pippa with one hand and plays with her soft toys in the lounge of their Heath home. “He would take a hold of my rugby mouth guard and wouldn’t let it go, which was tricky if I needed to train. He would even go to sleep with it. He loved his Quavers crisps, but he also loved coming downstairs with me in the mornings and trying a bit of pineapple or mango. He loved playing his drum in the lounge and banging his triangle." “We had the perfect life. I was travelling the world, with a nice house and a beautiful wife and baby. When Toby died I can’t describe how we felt. It was so hard saying goodbye to him. He was so perfect.It doesn’t get easier but having the charity helps,” he added. “I’ve been to the University Hospital of Wales where Toby was treated and it’s really hard seeing the pain in the children’s parents’ eyes. It’s hard to be involved in that again, but we want to raise money for a psychotherapist so there’s someone families can talk to when their world is falling apart." When Toby was born everything was fine. But in June 2004, when he was 10 months old, Kate, then a theatre nurse at The University Hospital of Wales, noticed he was a little off colour.Brent was touring with Wales in South Africa and Kate took Toby to her GP who referred him to UHW. Just hours later Kate was given the devastating news Toby had a brain tumour and needed an immediate operation to relieve pressure in his head. “It was surreal,” said Kate, 34. “Toby was such an easy baby. We had just been away with some friends and he had been so happy.”In shock, she phoned Brent, who got on the first plane home.
Brent said: “It was difficult not being able to see Kate or Toby for the 10-hour flight and three-hour drive home. When I got to the hospital it was so hard seeing Toby. I knew he wasn’t well, but he seemed so happy.” In July, Toby had a nine-hour operation to remove the tumour with Kate and Brent fearing he could die. But against the odds he pulled through.“After he came round from the operation he just had a bandage on his head and tucked into a yoghurt,” said Kate. “We were just grateful for every day after that. How can you break down when you’re woken each morning by a little man muttering in his cot and smiling when he sees you? He didn’t know he was ill.We took him everywhere, places like Tenby’s Folly Farm where he loved petting the goats. We gave him chemotherapy at home ourselves. For his first birthday in August we had a party for him with a real fire engine. He loved sitting behind the wheel.” But soon after Toby began to seem agitated. A scan revealed the tumour was back and on September 17, Toby died at home aged 13 months, with Kate and Brent by his side.
Brent said: “The next few weeks we just stuck together and stayed at home. We couldn’t believe it. The more we thought of Toby the more we wanted to do something in his name and give something to other kids with cancer.” Just before last Christmas, Kate asked Clive Hopkins, owner of Swansea’s Towers Hotel, if she could hold a charity dinner there and soon the WRU, Welsh squad, Sir Clive Woodward and stars like Max Boyce were on board. Kate said: “I thought it would be a one-off, but the dinner in March raised £55,000 and the Toby Lloyd Cockbain Foundation snowballed from there. The support was amazing.” Now the couple talk directly to the oncologists who treated Toby to find what they need. In March, Brent celebrated the Grand Slam victory with Wales then in April Pippa was born. Kate said: “She’s so full of life, she loves swimming. She’s helped us through it. I’m quite protective of her and worry if she gets a cold.When she’s old enough we’ll tell her all about her brother. We have so many photographs, it’s like Toby’s here with us. He was so lovely. People would stop and speak to me because he was always just grinning away. He’d enter a room and beam. We had him three months longer than we might have. Last New Year’s we were looking forward to Pippa’s birth and were trying to deal with the pain. You don’t get over it, you learn to live with it. This year we can look forward to focusing on the charity and hope to help more families.”
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